this is not depression

I have lost myself for a while, and I don’t know how to get back to me… or where I am… or even if I’m there; somewhere. I try to keep afloat but all that I have achieved, and all that I have obtained, is not enough to keep me from drowning. I set goals for myself and now that I have accomplished them -within the time-frame I set for myself, even- it’s like not even that is enough. There’s so much more left to do. There’s so much more left to be. And I wonder if this is how it’s always going to feel, no matter what I do or take or obtain or accomplish or receive… is life always going to feel this empty? Is this how love feels? Does satisfaction even exist, or do we merely settle for what we have and what we are and who we have? I look at pictures and I wonder if I was truly as happy; as in love as I appear. I read my old writings and I wonder if I was really truly suffering or was I simply inventing the feeling in order to have something to write about. Because honestly, sometimes I don’t feel anything. Nothing at all. Is this life, as it is, and will it exist as it is forever and ever? If so, why do I even bother in accomplishing stuff if I will always feel this empty? It’s like not even I am a good companion for myself. My mind tricks me and I need to find a way to get out of it… somehow… for as much time as I can do so.

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Un comentario en “this is not depression

  1. I’m sorry friend. I think that if you think so much about what you did right or wrong, you are not deepening as a spiritual being. That is from your soul and not from your being. If the limits imposed on your childhood were affectionate conversations or simply “an abuse of power” that adults generally use, with a no, without too many explanations, that obviously has given you a structure in which over the years you become less conformist with you same. Just personally, look at your contradiction when you say you can still give much more. One suggestion, leave the pains of the past and tomorrow behind, be born again and enjoy a generous life with you and others. A hug.

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